At crossroads
by violetgirl9
Summary: Edward and Bella haven't seen each other. Bella loves him. Does he love her back?


**Author's note:**

Hi! J So I'm finally here. This is my 1st fic. This story is just an idea going on in my head. So I thought why not write it down and see where it goes. I don't have a beta yet so expect a lot of errors. Please bear with them ;) This story might mostly be in EPOV because I've always wanted to know what goes on in the mind of his when it comes to Bella J

PS: English is not my first language.

PPS: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Chapter 1

**EPOV**

"Fuck fuck fuck" I was roaming around my apartment not able to sit in a place. My feet hit a box that has been lying around for God knows how long. "This place is a mess" I thought. "_My life is a mess_". Do you know when you pick up your headphones from your bag and see the innumerable knots it has formed? A bunch of knots that look like it could take a million years to untie them. That is exactly how my mind feels. I've fucked up. "_But it's not your fault_" said an inner voice.

I wanted to blame Emmett.

I wanted to blame jasper.

I wanted to blame my 28 year old self that couldn't act mature enough.

My phone started ringing from somewhere under the heap of clothes on my bed.

I just let it ring.

I wished it would stop. It dint.

I go over to my bed, hunt my phone down and look at the screen.

Yes the call is from who I thought it would be. "Bravo Cullen" I shout to nobody.

I place my phone on the little stool in my living room and sit on couch.

"Argh, damn does my back hurt?"

I grab my hair by my hands and sit, facing the floor.

The phone starts ringing, again, for the 100th time today.

I just stare at it not knowing what to do. I could just pick it up. But what am I gonna say.

"Hey you've reached the asshole, how can I help you?"

I was an asshole. I was sure of that.

I lived a pretty decent life. I earned enough to live life the way I wanted. I had a great family that loved me and made me miss them.

I had the coolest friends ever who were also my family.

I've never hurt anyone in my life. Until now. Of that I was very sure.

Wherever I go, people loved me. I was a charmer. Or so they said. But I never used my charms on girls.

I was never That guy.

I wanted to be in a strong relationship. Marry the love of my life.

Damn that sounded cheesy even for a 12 y/o.

But that is who Edward Cullen was. I wanted to be in a steady relationship. That dint happen of course.

I hate to say, I'm heart-broken.

Well, I was. That was 3 years back. What I hoped was going to be the happiest memories in my life, crumbled.

Everything changed. All the happy memories in my heart became a place where I can't go anymore because she was no more in my life.

I tried so hard to overcome the pain. I think I did.

More like "I hate the female population".

That was how I was trying to nurse my broken heart.

At the end of it all, I started doubting every single thing we did together. It dint feel like love anymore.

Looking at how depressed I was made everyone around me sad.

But I dint want to. I started hanging out with Em and Jasper more. I started to be like them.

Parties every weekend – get drunk and forget the fuck about the world.

Girls – ah yes, you see being with them let me to hang out with a whole lot of girls.

Flirting, taking a girl for a date every other week. Well that was how my life was going on.

But I wasn't happy with it.

I felt lonely more than ever.

I wanted to truly love someone.

I was also afraid of letting my heart free and trust someone else again.

The loud ringing of the doorbell jolted me from my thoughts.

"Who the fuck is it at 11pm?" I muttered and made my way over to the door.

Alice.

"What the fuck are doing here at this time Alice?" I ask her, looking down at the eerie street.

"Well, I see you are still in your work clothes, which clearly means you've been thinking, a lot, but not doing anything about it." Alice knows I think. I really don't know how.

"What do you want me to do Alice?" I ask her, sighing.

"Edward, you have to decide! You need to tell her and end this- whatever this is as soon as you can. That's the only way you can stop her from hurting." Alice pleads to me.

I know she's right.

I need to do something

"I… I'll think about it Alice." I say. "Ed-" she starts.

"I promise you I will" I tell her and she pouts.

"It's late, Al, you should go" I don't want Jasper to come knocking at my apartment.

She hugs me and leaves as I close the door.

I lean against the door and listen to the beep from my phone.

I move towards it.

I know what I want to do.

I take the phone and press the power button.

The screens lights up and fades away, indicating me that I've switched it off.


End file.
